The Continual, Calamitous Childhood of…

Nolan.

Oh Nolan.
I really dig my not-quite 2 nephew.

On Saturday in the course of about… 8 hours… he found three new and creative ways to nearly kill himself.

The morning started very early for me, 5:55 AM early.

“Granma,” I hear him mumble. I remained still in my bed, for reasons that would take too long to explain, he and I were sharing a room that night. I wore earplugs to bed, but they worked themselves out sometime earlier so I hear him stir. He drifted back into semi-sleep, but 20 minutes later he was ready to face the day. I feigned sleep and allowed Granma to lift him from his sleep pen.

I was up not that much later however.

Nolan… is… the densest toddler I’ve ever hefted upon my hip. And by dense, I don’t mean stupid but he’s just solid. I half suspect his bones are cut with lead. He’s just a heavy lil dude. He weighs only 5 lbs (2KGs) less than his sister who is 18 months older. I’m willing to bet at least a third of his dense weight resides in his head.
He has… troubles… remaining upright. I think he has decided gravity shouldn’t apply to him. Gravity conspires to prove Nolan’s theory wrong.

Nolan… careens through life.
I truly believe he sees an obstacle and rather than considering the best way to tackle it, his theory is… go right through it and if that doesn’t work go in the direction I bounce off. Oddly it mostly seem to work for him.

However, at about 9AM gravity and his big-head felt the need to remind him of their ongoing conflict. I sat at the kitchen table, nursing a second cup of coffee, having been up longer and earlier than I ever intended. Nolan had finished breakfast and was stomping around the kitchen and family room. I heard him charging from the kitchen and then, scarily, nothing. His heavy stomping tread stopped and I knew that couldn’t be a good thing.

It wasn’t.

A split second later I heard and felt him crash into the back of my chair. Not even the soft(er) back but the metal legs. He screamed and a line along his face immediately started to swell up.

The amazing thing about Nolan, is that no matter how bad gravity roughs him up, in a matter of minutes he’s ready to challenge it again.

His next challenge occurred at lunch. Mom, Dad, Kylianne, Nolan and I were sitting out on the sundeck on a glorious afternoon, finishing up lunch. Nolan and Kylianne opted to sit in proper chairs, instead of highchairs and Nolan found a way to challenge gravity once more.
He had finished his sandwiches (he’s a very good eater) and sat in a chair between Grandpa (Dad) and I. I was only half paying attention.

This is never a good choice with Nolan around.

I was only half paying attention when out of the corner of my eye I saw Nolan in a precarious position. For some reason known only to him and gravity he stretched out along the steel arm of the deck chair and… gravity decided to have some fun…
I suddenly realized he’d leaned past the point of balance and his giant melon of a noggin had been grasped by gravity. I acted instinctively and reached out and cupped the underside of his head and kept him from going over the side of the chair and falling 3 feet down to the wooden deck.

I doubt Nolan even realized how close he was to another bump on his skull.

Then it was time to go walkabout. Nolan likes to wander and loves to be outside.
Kylianne initially intended to be out with Nolan but she had a mini-meldown. As she frequently does. Nolan sniffed outside and was off like a shot, which is fine, the best way to deal with him is to follow (closely) in his wake and try to prevent him from harming himself too badly.

Next door, the neighbour is having a retirement party. He has lots of friends and family visiting. One of them is a teenaged boy with a ridiculously high powered Remote Controlled car. This thing is such a beast it has to weigh 8-10 lbs, is a two-speed and runs on $16/litre nitrous oxide. The thing is built for obscene amounts of speed.

Naturally Nolan is drawn to it like a moth to a flame or a fat kid to a cupcake.

The teen zips the RC car up and down the road in a screech of burnt tires and wild turns.
Nolan, is enthralled.

The teen has a little cousin who knows Nolan but can’t be more than six. An adorably innocent looking blonde child. Being the cool older cousin, he hands her the controls which look roughly like a gun with a trigger.
She squeezes the trigger.
The car *roars*… directly at Nolan.
Nolan screams.

It’s funny, because at that moment, time moved in slow motion for me. I could see the teen and his dad would not be able to react in time. I could see the look of dumbstruck fear on the little girl who didn’t mean to ankle-ram Nolan. I could hear Nolan’s terror.
I acted calmly, smoothly.
I lift up my foot at an angle and…
feel the RC car slam into the sole of my flip-flops.

The teen and his dad are apologetic and Nolan recovers quickly as we walk down the street and soon enough he’s pointing out other cars and airplanes.

Luckily he’s only one-for-three in potential calamities today.
For him this is a record setting day.

Nolan 2 – Gravity 1.
(But Gravity leads the overall series.)

Friday’s Photo of the Week (Sunset Apocalypse)

Sunset *AND* post-apocalypse?

This week’s photo comes from the balcony of the apartment in down town Vancouver I’ve been ‘looking after’ for the past few weeks.

I took this shot last night and when I woke up this morning, thankfully, the building was still there. Even though, to me, it looks like something post-apocalyptic. I’m not sure if the sunlight is streaming through the building or being reflected off mirrored windows, and I honestly don’t want to know. I just happen to love the stories that could be told about this image.

Sounds of the Seawall

The Vancouver Seawall might be (literally) the most low-key landmark of any world class city. When people talk about Vancouver it is often about the downtown core of the city, which is a relatively small spit of land surrounded by water. Burrard Inlet runs along the north while False Creek snakes its way along the south and both spill out into English Bay and the Straight of Georgia.

Original Seawall around Stanley Park

Originally the Seawall only included the stone wall around Stanley Park, but over time it has now been elongated and stretched to encompass 22 kilometres of wall around the sea. The intention of the Seawall were to prevent the erosion Stanley Park due to the waves from passing ships. And it took a while. The project began in 1914 and wasn’t completed until 1980. Municipal, Provincial and Federal politics at its finest.

Thankfully, eventually, the monies were found to finish the Seawall and the residents of Vancouver as well as tourists from everywhere are able to enjoy this magnificent, near water-level monument.

Jogging and Biking along the Seawall.

Now, it is a perpetual motion machine, at least the paths atop it are. Any hour of the day, any day of the week, any month of the year, people are on the Seawall. Walkers, runners, cyclists, inline skaters, skateboards, strollers, dogwalkers and wheelchairs use it. To get to work, to see the city, to stay in shape, to meet friends. It is a place that invites conversation and perambulation. And that’s just on the paved course itself, in the water are kayakers and canoers, windsurfers and paddleboarders, swimmers and waders, aquaferries, sailboats and million dollar yachts. And dragon boat racers, oh the dragon boaters, enthusiastically, devotedly vocal rowers they are.

Plus the seabirds and sea mammals; from seagulls and crows and pigeons and ducks, to harbour seals, otters and the occasional whale.

All these factors help combine to make the Seawall into the major artery for people wanting to get outdoors and enjoy the cityscape. Another fantastic occurrence is that due to the layout of roads and streets all of the path is devoid of traffic. Indeed in many spots it seems almost tranquil with cars and trucks tucked those few extra metres away to elevate the serenity of the surroundings. A conversation is more likely to be interrupted by a ship or a seagull or a cellphone than by a car.

Amazingly the 22 km path winds under four bridges (seven times) and yet the cars become background noise.

So here is this long ribbon of pavement, meandering around the perimeter of this city, offering up spectacular scenery, lively waterways, impressive forests, a destination shopping spot (Granville Island), sandy beaches, grassy lawns and no vehicles. Pretty damned impressive.

Curving path of the Seawall at Vanier Park.

But you want to know what my absolute favourite part about walking or riding the Seawall it?

The languages.
English remains most prominent, but I’m not even sure it is spoken by half of the people along the wall at any time. French likely ranks seconds. Followed (in no particular order) by Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Spanish, Russian, German, Portuguese, Malay, Tagalog and Afrikaans. I delight at walking past locals and tourists and not understanding their conversation but hearing the different patterns from differing palates just makes me grin.

Mix in a melting pot of tongues from around the world with the delicious cacophony of the seabirds and dragon boaters, joggers and dog, and the various sounds of wheels from bikes and skateboards, all with the buzz of a major city in the background and it is easy to remember just what makes Vancouver (and its Seawall) – the highlight of nearly every visit.

Friday’s Photo of the Week (Vietnamese Snapshots)

“I loved Vietnam. Siagon is a madhouse… but in a good way.”
That was my advice to my good friend Conrad when he asked my advice on visiting Vietnam. He just returned from Vietnam and Cambodia and in honour of that I think this week will be a couple of images from Vietnam.

Semi-final Victory!

I just happened to arrive in Siagon during monsoon season and when Vietnam was in the SEA Games. My first night there, Vietnam won their semi-final football match. Clearly celebrations were in order. This however, is just a typical night with a lot more red than usual.

Grains going downstream on the Mekong.

I’ve travelled a lot of roads and crossed a fair few borders. Whenever I have a chance, I opt for ‘not’ a bus border crossing. I visited the Mekong and went up from Vinh Long to Cau Doc before crossing into Cambodia. The Mekong… is a major waterway for everything imaginable.

Conrad had a similar set of travels and seems to have enjoyed them nearly as much as I did.

Friday’s Photo of the Week (Abandoned Bra)

I realize I have a tendency to show the same sorts of images. Sweeping vistas, or impressive buildings, occasionally something small or pretty. And once in a while a picture of my family or friends.

How many cars drove past (or over) the bra?

And that’s cool n’ all, but sometimes I stumble across something not pretty but beautiful because it is ugly or doesn’t seem to belong.

These pictures just invite questions; Why is this bra on the street? Whose was it? What made them discard it here? Who moved it from the street to the traffic island? (It looked better on the street, better colour contrast). When…?

Near the Cambie Street Bridge. North towards Downtown Vancouver.

You get the idea.
There were so many potential stories I couldn’t not make this rather unsightly and worn out undergarment the photo of the week.

Empire Field Revisited

It took me a while to come up with a title for this post that didn’t blatantly refer to a certain Star Wars’ movie. It wasn’t as easy as it looked.

***

The last time I visited Empire Field it was a parking lot, being used by vendors at the PNE as a place to park their trailers and campers when not selling stuff in the various buildings. (My personal favourite that I never intended to buy was the solar-powered toothbrushes.)

The time before that, was about 30 years ago, when Empire Field was called Empire Stadium and the Vancouver Whitecaps of the defunct NASL played here. Since that time the Whitecaps disappeared when the NASL folded for good, then were resurrected as the Vancouver 86ers (for the year of their formation and Expo 86) before rebranding themselves once more as the Whitecaps. They plied their trade in the Canadian Soccer League, then a couple of United Soccer league divisions, before finally debuting this year in MLS (Major League Soccer.)

Tired yet?

Oh, also, this post was half-inspired by CWB’s Sports post. It got the memories and motivations sparking.

***

This was an interesting return for me. The game had its moments, but when the worst team in the East plays the worst team in the West, top notch soccer is not on the cards. Indeed, after the stunning displays of defensive ineptitude I’m fairly confident either side would struggle to top the legendary Inter Suwon.

The less than impressive outside of Empire Field.

This wasn’t about soccer as much as about memories and experiences. And in those facets it was a great afternoon out. From the outside, Empire Field doesn’t offer up much, it is a temporary stadium rebuilt and refitted for the Vancouver Whitecaps and BC Lions while repairs and upgrades to BC Place took place after the Olympics – upgrades which are long overdo.
My ticket cost me $20 (which is double what I paid to watch a friendly between South Korea and Iraq back in Suwon in 2009) and is the cheapest ticket available, but I picked that semi-obstructed view for a reason, which I’ll get to shortly.

I can’t recall what the opening festivities were 30 years ago (give or take, it may have only been 27) but this time a basic band and some balloon banners starting things off, before the teams came out together and the national anthems of the US and Canada were sung and then some simple white fireworks to set the stage.

1 minute in. 1-0 Whitecaps! Gooooal!

I’m glad I arrived early, as the first goal came less than a minute in when the outside midfielder basically booted the ball diagonally towards the net and the defender ran out of the way and gave Eric Hassli (who actually CAN play and finish) a breakaway against the keeper. Chicago managed to capitalize around 22 minutes, before the Whitecaps replied with an awkward goal when the ball took an odd bounce off the artificial turf and bounced over the diving keeper.

High quality this was not.

The ref… wasn’t great, but he showed a great deal more knowledge than the pure (moron) of a fan behind me who knew nothing but did opine, “anyone can be a ref, if you show up you’ll be put on the field that’s how they pick their refs.”
It was tempting to educate him, but I’d have better chance teaching the offside rule to a clam than that idiot.

An interesting thing about the game was the amount of Whitecaps jerseys in the stands. I mean, sure I expected there to be some kits in the stands, but the predominant jersey was the white and blue of the Whitecaps. I did also spy; Liverpool, Man U, Celtic, Real Madrid, Barcelona, AC Milan, Chelsea and Arsenal (to name a few.) Clearly the Blue and White of Vancouver remains the popular choice. Which is a good thing for the franchise as the game on the field has been embarrassing, but averaging 20 000 fans per game is an accomplishment to be proud of.

Best backdrop in sports.

At half time, I stretched my legs and wandered through the grounds, now this I know they didn’t have back when I last attended at a game, because during the halftime, me, Jaime Elder and Gordon Binstead (from our team, the Alouettes I believe) took to the field and played a 10 minute mini-game across the field. The same field that legends of the Whitecaps and fantastic players of football had played; names like Carl Valentine, Bobby Lenarduzzi, Buzz Parsons, Bruce Wilson, plus international standouts Bruce Grobbellar and Peter Beardsley. For reasons I can’t recall, I played goal and played it badly, I’ll assume my side lost.
That’s not the memory though. The Vancouver Whitecaps had recently won the NASL Soccer Bowl (yes, that was the name for winning the playoffs in the league.) They had all-world talent, this was before Europe claimed ‘first dibs’ on any players of any abilities and before SkySports and Setanta  started to pay ridiculous amounts of money for broadcasting rights, before billionaires and oil money bought clubs, before Sepp Blatter managed to inject an obscene miasma into FIFA.
At the time this was THE top team in Vancouver. And I was awarded the chance to perform on their home field! For a kid, there are few bigger things than being invited to do your favourite thing on the biggest stage available for me.
This halftime I wandered the grounds where the team hosted a lot more options around the stadium than when I last attended at game at Empire Field. An injured player gave autographs, while another member was being interviewed by the in-house production, there was a penalty kick game for youngsters (Hassli should have visited – he botched a penalty shot at the end worse than Dave ‘Zigic’ Jackson has in his entire career).

Also the food choices were vastly different in this multicultural city; burgers, hot dogs, fries pizza,  but also vegetarian fare, pulled pork sandwiches and seafood (this is the West coast after all.)

I returned to the stadium 3 minutes into the second half and watch from the stairway as the Whitecaps score yet another ugly goal. The Chicago Fire keeper was so out of sorts that the fans mockingly applauded him any time he safely managed to pick up ball directed his way. I would have felt sorry for him if it wasn’t so amusing.

I can’t recall the score of the game I went to all those years ago, or of the half-time mini-game, but I do know that the Whitecaps played those vile Portland Axemen (a moniker I’m sure wouldn’t be permitted in today’s politically correct age). This game ended up 4-2 for the Whitecaps. It was entertainingly sloppy.

What was the same was the infectious atmosphere of football fans (or Canadian football fans and confused hockey fans) that hadn’t changed in 30 years. The Whitecaps have successfully carved out a niche in the Vancouver market, they won’t be challenging the Canucks or the most popular local team, but they can continue to build their fanbase and help keep soccer the most played game in Canada.

About where I sat 30 years ago.

I bought the cheapest seat available, it was as close as I could get to where I sat all those years ago. I didn’t and couldn’t duplicate what happened when I was 10, but I could replicate it.
Fantastically, the three people to my left were Spanish and game me running commentary in Spanish. And if the Whitecaps don’t broadcast multi-lingual broadcasts of their games, they should rectify that. Vancouver games should be heard in Spanish, French, Chinese and Hindi (at least). Not-so fantastic were the clueless fans behind me on my right.

The eventually, the Vancouver Whitecaps picked up the win in a sloppy affair. Eric Hassli looked and played like a star. The rest of the team was pretty forgettable to be honest.
The memories of the past overlaid upon the present to make this game far more memorable for me than it had any right to be. The level of competition in the MLS isn’t comparable to the old NASL… yet. Perhaps it will be in time, right now it is a place for players not good enough for Europe, on their retirement paycheques (Hi Theirry Henry!) or youngsters lacking something or not quite ready for prime time.

For $20 I got to soak up a Sunday afternoon of soccer in the sun in one of the best backdrops for football in the world and I enjoyed reminiscing about days long past, and how I totally could have outplayed  Pele, if he’d dared step upon the field during that half-time game lo those many years ago.

Rare Sightings

“Dorie, I have a dad! He’s here! He’s just changing into his shorts.” – Kylieanne.

***

Ian hasn’t been around much this year. He’s busy. He’s always been busy, but right now he’s busy even by his own standards. I won’t go into details but the amount of driving he does in a day, many people don’t do in a week and I likely don’t do in a month. But he was here this Sunday. Mom, being momish, organized a family dinner for the two clans; Kerr and Dunbar. Of a possible 18 attendees, 17 were present.

Ian was the star of the show.

A rare sighting indeed, The whole Deroche Kerr clan together (in a pool.)

I was in the pool with Ian and his three kids and none of them wanted to spend a second of time with me.  Sure, they did, but only when Ian literally shoved them across the water towards me and they knew they had to cling to me in order to not drown.
Yes, sometimes being an uncle ain’t glamorous. But for Ian as Daddy, it was his afternoon to shine..
Listen, I know how important ‘stuff’ is, but I also maintain that most kids don’t care about that, they want to spend time with their parents. On this Sunday, three children did exactly that. My job was to keep the non-held kiddos from scrambling across the pool, or jumping in from the edge towards their daddy.

It wasn’t an easy job.

But the kiddos all seemed to have fun, the three who wanted to be with their daddy in the pool, and the fourth who was quite happy to hang out with her parents or her uncle. it didn’t matter so much to her, since she spends a lot of good time with parents so it wasn’t a rarity for her to be in a pool with her parents, or her uncle.

Fly Aisling fly.

Everyone swam a great deal. No one more than Mackenna.
I feel bad for Mackenna, she’s 6 1/2 going on 26 1/2 and at her age, the fact that she’s three years between her next oldest or youngest cousin or sibling makes for difficult times. In a few years it won’t matter at all, but right now, 3 1/2 or 10 1/2 is too big a gap for her.
She tries though.
And lord knows she spent forever and an hour in the pool. I (foolishly) offered to keep an eye on her in the pool. She never left. I tried to teach her how to dive but she tried it 3 times, then gave up on it, only to try again 2 hours later without warning me.
She… is not a good swimmer. She can put her face underwater, which is good, but after a few strokes her doggy paddle becomes a doggy panic. She claws the water, trying to scramble through it to safety. She was never in danger since I’m a strong swimmer and have some lifesaving training, but I would love her parents to enroll her in some swimming lessons. I truly believe any child should take some courses so they can safely and confidently swim 200m or so to shore if needs demand it.

Eventually, finally, mercifully, Mackenna opted for the hot tub which led to this fantastic discussion between Mackenna and her dad.

“Mackenna, do you want to get out of the hot tub?”
“No.” her reply since she is enjoying the hot tub.
“It wasn’t a question really.”
“But you just asked me if I wanted to get out, and I don’t.”
“Mackenna…” Ian leaves the word hanging.

The youngest three learn to dive... and Kylieanne won the right to dive to daddy.

Now, both are right. It is time for dinner, but Ian did ask his daughter if she wanted to get out the hot tub.

Then it was time for dinner.
I give my dad a lot of grief over his cooking skills, which are mostly non-existent. Except, the man knows how to barbeque a roast. Tonight’s dinner was excellent. Mom and Auntie Lynne supplied heaps of fresh vegetables; potatoes, peas and carrots, broccoli and finally, corn. It was good, solid hearty fare.

So the only person not present was my cousin Scott, and I’m glad he wasn’t.
He is loud, beyond loud, he is deafening. What’s worse, he makes his two sons louder by association as they try to garner his attention. With him removed, his sons were well behaved and entertaining. They talked without shouting, they interacted without distracting. In fact, my mom had to ask if Jordan was around because he was being well behaved and low-key. He was seated beside me.

The only person causing a fuss was the 2 year old, potato flinging MacGregor, which is understandable. His father lucked out being sat beside me and Nolan, who ate EVERYthing.
That boy, I tells ya!

Dessert was a three tier affair, Blueberry pie, Rice Crispie Square and cake. As expected from my mom and aunt, all were excellent.

After dinner things got entertaining.
I gave Nolan a ride on a push-car when I spotted Aisling legging it past me towards the playground. She’s sporting that mischievously wicked grin on her face that means someone has to go take care of her. None of the other adults seem to have noted her break for freedom. I shove Nolan in his cart towards the lawn and with a nod from my cousin head off after Aisling. I literally have time to put my coffee cup down before she slooshes down the slide at a rapid rate of speed for me to catch at the bottom. Then we spend a goodly 15 minutes climbing the ladder to the treehouse and sliding down the slide before her mother inquires where her daughter is. Oh Aisling you cheeky lil rapscallion!

***

The next day, after the wee ones cleared out I went for a walk along the beach, visiting Crescent Beach first, before backtracking and taking the rough path back up to Rockcrest, but I was curious, I’d heard a rumour that past the painted white rock it was a nudist beach.

Turns out it was.

Turns out, that most nudists are proudly unappealing to either sex. There was one hot lil number but I really don’t know that the protocol is for chatting up an already naked girl who is sunbathing upon her back. This was, of course, after going past 2 older men proudly shaking their sagging shakey things for the world to see.

So that’s it.
One rare sighting, one happy non-sighting, and one (series of) naked sighting.

Friday’s Photo of the Week (Rockcrest Sunset)

Some weeks it seems the world conspires to give me a cornucopia of choice for which image(s) should be the photo of the week.

Sunset from Rockcrest, looking across Mud Bay (towards Tsawwassen.)

This week it goes back to Rockcrest, which has a post percolating in the recesses of my mind. So while that forms and coalesces into a post the likes of which I haven’t done before…

Post-sunset, as the light fades behind the North Shore Mountains of Vancouver.

Please enjoy the sunset.

New Digs

Self-taken shot from the balcony.

This is a very self-aggrandizing post.
So if you want to click back now, I won’t be (overly) offended.

My cousin (and I’m not good at genealogy – which is ironic since that’s one of his fascinations) lives on False Creek in Downtown Vancouver. And summer finally seems to have settled on the city. What better time for my cousin to head to the Rockies to hike some mountain trails and give me the run of his swank apartment overlooking False Creek for about a month?

I know I couldn’t think of a drawback.

Balcony view... nearing sunset.

Now I get to run amok in Vancouver, in the summer sun. Strolling (or maybe jogging) the Seawall. Visiting spots like the Granville Island Public Market, Coal Harbour, Stanley Park, the new-look BC (Telus?) Place, Yaletown and of course Kits Beach for some beach volleyball fan support.

The seawall stretches along the left side of False Creek in this image.

I even know my new local pub, the Wicklow at Stamps Landing.

Me at my new local pub - the Wicklow.

It’s only 4 weeks, but I intend to truly enjoy this unexpected windfall.
I mean hell, the city of Vancouver even hosted a firework’s night for my arrival.

So… who wants to visit?